Several weeks ago elder Coleman gave a wonderful lesson
about the 400 meter race. He talked about how in the 400 meter sprint for
track, it is one of the most horrible inventions ever made by man. You start in
by sprinting for the 1st 100, by the 2nd and 3rd 100 meters you are holding it
out just trying to not go all out, and then...At the last of the 100
meters...When literally you have nothing left. When Everything is literally
drained... You dig down, and find something. An expert in the 400 meter race
talked about different strategies to do for it, but all he said about the last
100 meters was "Pray. Just pray to whatever you can, whether it be God,
Budah, or some other being. you have got to dig down where there is nothing
left and try to grab on to something."
This analogy of the 400 meter race is pretty much what i
feel right now. I am in the last part of the 400 meter race.....and frankly i
am burned out. I have thought these last couple days...if there really is
anything left that i can dig deep down to....if there really is anything that i
can grab on too....i have tried....i am trying, but only in a few precious
moments have i been able to grab on to something, and then it leaves for me to
continue digging. I love this branch. I love it with all my heart, and i would
do anything for it....But i feel as if i have withered away to who knows what.
Even though being filled with fear.....I know that the atonement is there. I
have felt it before. I know its real, and i feel that maybe right now its just
time to have faith that....Maybe thats all i can really try to do right
now....is just know that he is there even though for the most part i cant feel
it right now.
The mission isnt easy. The mission is a fiery furnace where
sometimes you feel more love then you feel you possess for people, and more
weakness in yourself then you ever knew. A time when you feel more hope then
you have ever had....and times when you feel more alone then you have ever felt.
Dont get me wrong. Things are going well right now
missionary work wise, and in other areas, but i am just burned out. The antso
is just way mavesitra be. But that is ok.
On the bright side of things, we are having a baptism in 2
weeks! I am super excited for that. Eliane is such an amazing person. so
incredible and just is on fire. I wish that every person could be like her.
On saturday we had a really cool training about the sabbath
day, and i learned something that was really cool for myself. Our 2nd councilor
in the district presidency talked about how The sacrament is NOT a meeting for
everyone, but is a meeting for "You" And the lord. A
"Personal" Interview with him. If we think of the sacrament in that
sense....it just made me think....How well am i using my time during that
meeting? Am i preparing for that occasion throughout the week or am i just
coming to church just because i know that is what i am supposed to do? I dont
know, i thought it was really cool. And i am very grateful for that training we
had. it was super awesome and has given me a greater appreciation for the
sabbath day.
Well sorry for being long winded, and for being kind of on
the down side. I really do thank you all for your support. And thank you sister
moody for that scripture. It really really helped. Thank you so much.
Am-Pitiavana
Elder Lehr
P.S.
A quick note from Elder Lehr:
Hey mom and dad...
This is i guess part 2. from yesterday, But.... I found
it.... last night, i found it....i dug deep, and felt it..... I felt the
atonement. Thanks for your prayers.
But haha this has been the most interesting thing mom, and
dad. I dont even know. I love it here, but i have received the strength to at
least press on for a little bit more.
But I FOUND IT! I dug deep and found it!
Thanks again for everything. i love you both so much. I am
just so grateful that i have so many people praying for me :)
Am-Pitiavana
Elder Lehr
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